


What If Home Is A Person Who Isn’t There Anymore?

by AmandaPandapple



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek Comforts Stiles, Hurt!Stiles, M/M, Stiles misses Derek, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 11:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8101549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaPandapple/pseuds/AmandaPandapple
Summary: Stiles needs a vacation to find himself.





	

Staring at his phone did no good. It just made him even more depressed. Actually, everything made him depressed, because no matter what Stiles did, he felt like he was missing something. Something big.

He thought maybe it was his friends, but that emptiness was still there. Even with Scott, his best friend in the entire world.

Stiles thought it might be his dad. They don’t really hang out that much. They see each other, but between all the supernatural villains running around, and school and work, they don’t actually sit down with just the two of them. Well, Stiles tried family time, but the hole was still there.

He tried old hobbies, new hobbies, foods. He even tired dating, but nothing was working. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it was a homesick feeling. Which was an interesting feeling to have because he was home nearly all the time.

And every night when he laid in bed, he stared at his phone for a while. He didn’t even know why at this point. He’s tried everything, so there’s no point in staring at it, hoping for something to happen.

He needed to something to happen to make this sinking feeling go away.

—

Why were they on this road trip again? Why did they think getting out of town for the summer was a good idea?

Well, actually, it was Stiles’s idea. He needed something, and maybe a road trip would help. They all piled in two cars - mostly because of their luggage - and set off north along the coast. This should help.

They did a lot of camping, since that was cheaper. They even brought some food along; Lydia’s idea, she’s the smart one.

They went to the beach nearly everyday since it was right there. That’s where Stiles learned a valuable lesson about sunscreen, and watched him and all his friends get seriously tanned.

His face, back, and chest were an insane bright red for days. It felt like weeks. Luckily, they were able to buy many bottles of aloe gel lotion. Stiles hasn’t felt comfortable since. He’s either burning or sticky, or somewhere in the middle.

Everyone else seemed to be having fun though, and Stiles liked seeing that. He liked watching his friends laugh and pal around. He loved listening to them sing loudly in the car, or snoring in their sleep, even when it kept him up some nights.

They didn’t have a destination. They were just going up the coast, and going back down to home. Just for pure fun.

He just didn’t think Scott would choose this as one of their places to be for “fun”.

“Come on, Stiles! We’re already up here. Might as well visit while we’re around for a while.” Scott shrugged, and clapped him on the back. Stiles tried very hard to hold in his pain. Scott winced, “Sorry.”

They were all already at the door knocking and ringing the bell, while Stiles stood back, looking up at the rather nice house. He heard all his friends' cheering and greetings to the person who answered the door.

Derek Hale. Living as far north in the same state as he could. Leaving without a goodbye, and staring right back at him. Stiles came closer to the door and to Derek as everyone else already went inside.

“Sunburn?” Derek simply asked.

Stiles shrugged, though it hurt against his shirt, “Burning for days.”

Derek ushered him inside, “I’ll show you to my bathroom. You can take a cold shower or bath?” He suggested.

“Why don’t I just use the guest bathroom?” Stiles asked, following him up the stairs.

“The guest bathrooms don’t have big enough bathtubs, if that’s what you wanna do.” Derek smirked, “Plus, I know you have certain tastes.”

They walked in Derek’s bedroom, “What does that mean?” They stopped in Derek’s bathroom which was as big as a bedroom. Actually, bigger.

Stiles was wide eyed and marveling. He didn’t even notice Derek leave him there and close the door. Stiles wasted no time in filling majority of the tub with cold water.

They haven’t really been able to have full on showers since they started this trip. They had just enough money for gas and food and laundromats. They slept outside, and cleaned themselves in public bathrooms on the beach. It got them clean enough, and they were okay with that.

Plus, even though the water was cold everywhere they found, he wasn’t able to stay under the cold water showers for very long.

He made a mental note to thank Scott for this idea as he got into the filled tub. The water was definitely too cold for his legs and stomach, but his chest and back were quickly at ease.

Stiles didn’t know how long he was in that tub, but it was long enough to fall asleep and prune all over, and for him to realize the sun had gone down. It was interesting to him that no one came to check on him.

He wondered what his friends and Derek were doing. Hopefully they had food downstairs waiting for him.

—

Stiles stayed in a while longer. He took the time to submerge his entire head a few times. Holding his breath even felt relaxing.

When he finally washed himself and got out, he realized he did not bring his bag upstairs with him. It was still in the Jeep.

He wrapped a towel around his waist, and went into the bedroom. He forced himself to not snoop through Derek’s things, though he really really wanted to find any clues as to why Derek was so ready to leave Beacon Hills so fast.

He opened the bedroom door, and could hear everyone downstairs. He looked over the balcony, but no one was there. He went down the stairs and back outside to where his Jeep was parked. He found his clothes, seeing there was one pair of clean clothes left.

“I thought I heard the door.” Derek was standing there at the front door.

Stiles felt his whole body grow cold seeing him. He quickly eased himself, “Forgot my bag.” Holding up his bag to show evidence. He wanted to get inside quickly to clothe.

“Want me to wash them for you?” Derek asked, waving his hand in the bag’s direction.

“I can do it.” Stiles shook his head, and Derek stepped aside to let him back in. Stiles went back to Derek’s bathroom to change and grab his dirty clothes. Derek showed him where the washing machine and drier were, and Stiles just dumped the entire bag in. He’s never been one to separate his clothes.

Everyone was sitting in the living room with the TV softly playing some music. It sounded like a Top 40’s playlist.

“Hey, Stiles!” Scott smiled bright, “All the food is in the kitchen.” Stiles took himself to the kitchen. They seemed to have gotten appetizers and finger foods. Stiles didn’t even make a plate. He just stood in the kitchen to eat. He would have joined everyone, but being around the same people for nearly 2 weeks is exhausting.

He’s sure he wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

“Why are you hiding in the kitchen?” Derek asked, poking around the corner.

Stiles glared a little, mostly for a joke, “I’m not. All the food is here.” He stuffed in another sandwich triangle.

Derek took himself to the fridge and pulled out some juice. He pours two glasses, handing one to Stiles. They were quiet a moment, and Stiles wondered why Derek was just standing there. Almost like he was waiting.

“Why did you leave?” Stiles asked, breaking the cringing silence.

Derek only sighed to this. Stiles wanted an answer. A long, lengthy, full background, detailed answer, but for some reason he didn’t push it. It just let another silence fall.

Stiles drank the rest of his juice and went to leave the kitchen, “Are there any sleeping arrangements?”

“Everyone has to share. There’s three bedrooms, and one has two beds.” Derek replied, not looking at him. Stiles felt a twinge of disappointment, and left to the living room.

“Let’s talk beds, people!” Stiles interrupted their conversation.

Liam and Mason called one bedroom, Scott and Kira called another. So, that just left the obvious couple of Lydia and Jordan to share the other. Stiles was the odd man out having to take the couch, but no one was going to bed soon.

Derek came up bedside Stiles, “You can sleep in my bed, and I’ll take the couch.” He suggested.

Stiles chuckled at this, while the others went back to their conversation, “I’m not taking your bed when there’s a perfectly good couch that everyone is sitting on.” He side glared at his friends.

“Come on, Stiles. Just take the bed.” Derek nudged him.

“No, Derek.” He replied firmly. He really needed some sleep. He’s been driving too much.

Derek sighed, “How about this, you sleep in my bed for now, and when everyone goes to bed, I’ll wake you to go to the couch? Sound good?” It was a good offer. Better than waiting around for everyone to go to bed.

Stiles gave into the idea, and went to Derek’s bedroom. Stiles only took his shorts off, and climbed into the very large bed. He gave some thought into him and Derek sharing a bed, but that would have been weird. They’ve never really been close, at least he never felt Derek wanted to be.

—

Stiles fell asleep very fast and very hard. He hadn’t been this comfortable in a while, even though the comfort quickly ended when he woke up. His skin felt like it was on fire. He didn’t put any lotion on after he came out of the tub. He’s been dry and burning all night.

He quickly took his shirt off, and debated on his option to go looking for his lotion, or just stand in a cold shower.

The shower sounded better. He went to the bathroom, and removed his briefs to get in a very cold shower. He nearly wanted to cry because of how long he’s been like this. He just wanted his skin to go back to normal. He sat himself down in the shower, letting the water fall nicely on his back.

“Stiles?” He heard someone say. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, because he thinks he fell asleep. There was no shower curtain. It was just a big open shower, privately tucked around a corner.

“I’m in here!” Stiles announced, hoping whoever it was wouldn’t come around.

“Hey, are you alright?” It was Derek. Why was he in here?“

"I’m fine. What’s going on?” Because he didn’t think Derek would just come into the bathroom Stiles was currently naked in without something being wrong.

“Nothing. It’s just early, and your taking another bath.” Derek was worried?

Stiles hesitated to respond quickly, “Yeah. I didn’t put any lotion on after my bath last night, so I woke up with my skin just burning.”

“Well, stay in there as long as you need. I’ll go find your lotion.” And Derek left without waiting for Stiles to protest.

Stiles stayed under the shower spray until his skin felt okay enough to get out and put lotion on. He was still so tired. When he stepped out, he found a towel close by, and his clothes just beside it. Stiles dried just his lower half to put his briefs back on. He would have put his shirt on, but he needed his lotion first.

Derek was sitting on the bed, seemingly waiting for him. He had Stiles’s aloe gel lotion in his hands, “Sit down. I’ll put it on.”

“Thanks, but I can do it. It’s not a big deal.” Stiles held his hand out for the lotion.

“Just sit down, Stiles.” Derek seemed impatient. How early did he say it was? Stiles sat in front of him with his back facing Derek. Stiles saw the clock on the wall read 7:27am.

Stiles winced at the sudden cold gel to his shoulder. “Sorry.” Derek said, and carefully smeared the lotion all around Stiles’s shoulders and back.

Stiles hummed into it because though he’ll feel sticky later, it felt good right now. It didn’t burn as bad.

“Do you want me to bring a fan in to point right at your back? I know that helps.” Derek suggested.

“How would you know what helps a sunburn, werewolf?” Stiles asked, feeling the breath of Derek’s small laugh against his back.

“I have human friends.” Which seemed odd to Stiles. Derek with friends? Do these friends know he’s a werewolf? Did they all go out, get sunburned, and ask why Derek was fine? Maybe they do know and they told him all about aches and pains he doesn’t have to worry about? Or maybe they don’t and he asked?

“Why didn’t you wake me to go to the couch?” Stiles asks instead. Somehow all those questions don’t seem to matter.

“You really think I’d let you sleep on the couch?” Derek was clever, Stiles will give him that. Somehow, he should’ve seen that coming though. Derek’s been oddly nice since they’ve arrived. “Turn around.”

Stiles did as told without giving it much thought, and Derek covered Stiles’s chest in the aloe gel lotion as well. Stiles even forced himself to let Derek put the lotion on his burned face.

“You might get more freckles after getting this much sun.” Derek mentioned.

Stiles smirked, “What? Are you counting?” There was no reply. It wasn’t until Stiles opened his eyes from Derek finishing with the lotion did he notice the small smile on his face. “Thanks.” Stiles snap out of his staring.

He went to put his shirt back on, “Don’t do that,” Derek stopped him, “I’ll get the fan and you can sleep like that.”

“What about your sheets?” Stiles pointed out, and Derek didn’t even look like that thought hadn’t occurred to him.

“Sheets can be washed. You need to be comfortable.” Derek left the room at that, and Stiles laid himself down on his side, pulling the sheets just over his legs. Derek came back rather quickly and plugged in a fan behind him. The fan felt amazing against his back, cooling the gel even more.

“Thank you.” Stiles said.

“There’s no need to get up today. I’ll let everyone know you trying to rest.” Derek told him, and left the room.

When the fuck did Derek Hale become nice and caring?

—

Getting back home felt amazing. Stiles was completely exhausted, which he’s sure everyone else was too. If they do another road trip, it’s going to be in the woods away from the sun.

Stiles must have slept for the next week before he felt rested. Only… He didn’t feel okay again.

The empty feeling in his chest was still there. He still felt out of place, and homesick for something he didn’t know about. How could he spend weeks with his friends on the road, and he still comes back with something still missing?

What could he be missing? He has everything in front of him.

Stiles went through everything they did on their trip. Tried to go through every detail to try and pint point where he didn’t feel empty. He couldn’t find one.

Sure, the laughing, the joking around, singing loudly, building campfires were fun, but none of them made him feel whole.

Stiles spent the rest of the little bit of summer he had trying to figure out what was happening to him. He was lost and lonely.

—

It’s a crazy hunch. He knows that, but he’s got nothing else. He travels back up to Derek’s house with only a few days left of summer till he leaves for college. He had nothing to lose at this point.

He remembered feeling the most relaxed at Derek’s house, but nothing other than that. He needed to get back there to see for himself.

He drove for two days straight, almost. He only stopped to pee, and sleep on the side of the road for an hour.

Derek didn’t look happy at all to see Stiles on his doorstep at 2 in the morning, “Stiles?” He croaked.

“I know it’s late!” Stiles exclaimed, pushing passed him into the house, “I have been feeling like complete shit lately. I’ve been feeling alone and nauseous and depressed. I went through everything I could think of through the trip that maybe I felt good about, but I couldn’t find anything.”

Stiles continue, “It wasn’t until I analyze coming to your house and staying here that made me have a hunch.”

“A hunch?” Derek questioned.

“Maybe being in a new house; a change of scenery, helped me feel whole again, but I don’t know. I’m not feeling it yet.” Stiles knew he sounded crazy. He knew this all seemed extreme and stupid, but this empty feeling wasn’t going away, and he really needed it to go away.

He wasn’t fully aware of the tears at his eyes, and his hands shaking, until Derek got a worried look in his eyes.

“Stiles?” Derek came closer to him, “Are you alright?”

“Do you know what it feels like to have this empty space inside your chest? It’s just there and you’ve tried everything you can think of to fill it, but nothing works; nothing helps?” Stiles was really crying and shaking now.

“I can’t make it go away, Derek. There’s nothing- I can’t-” Stiles struggled to speak. He was exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed. He couldn’t take this feeling anymore. He can’t manage living with it anymore.

Derek shh’d him, coming closer to hold him. Stiles clung to Derek’s shirt, sobbing into his chest.

“It’s alright. You’re going to be alright.” Derek cooed, trying to give Stiles some comfort, “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

Stiles let himself be led upstairs and into Derek’s bedroom. Derek helped him get his shoes off, and tucked the blankets around him. Stiles didn’t even protest to Derek coming around to the other side to lay down, because Stiles was already half asleep.

—

Stiles wasn’t in full knowledge of where he was. The bed was too comfy to be his, and the room smelled too nice. He jolted up onto his elbows, looked around, and saw he was in Derek’s house.

He then remembered last night, and felt extremely embarrassed. He’s never even cried that way in front of Scott. He couldn’t believe he did it in front of Derek, of all people. Why did he come here again?

Stiles suddenly heard the door to the bedroom open, but the person opening it sounded like they were trying to be quiet about it. Stiles was too freaked from last night to try to hide he was still sleeping though, so he sat up.

“Oh,” Derek smiled, “You’re awake. Good. How are you feeling?”

Stiles stared at him like he grew two heads, and like that was the weirdest thing he had ever seen, “‘How are you feeling?’ What the fuck is that?” Stiles covered himself in the blankets as he laid back down, and mashed his palms in his face.

“Um, yeah? On the count of last night.” Did Derek not understand Stiles could maybe possibly be embarrassed by all that?

“Yeah. Let’s remember that shit show. Let’s talk about that.” Stiles was sure his voice was muffled by the blankets and his hands, but he talked loud enough for Derek to hear him, and the sarcasm.

“I’m confused.” Derek stated, making Stiles uncover himself to look at him.

Stiles huffed and groaned loudly from Derek’s obvious confused face, “Just shut up. Stay in 'shut up’ mode until I can deal.” Derek opened his mouth to speak. “No! What did I just say?!”

Stiles walked, in quick steps, out of Derek’s bedroom and downstairs. He went to the kitchen, because he needed coffee, and it didn’t matter that he had no idea where anything was. It was better than sitting there with Derek around waiting for him to talk.

Actually, Derek was doing just that. Stiles turned around, and found Derek standing just outside the kitchen staring at him. It startled Stiles, “Jesus.” He exclaimed, and went to the cabinets to find a cup.

Derek didn’t help him at all through this, which Stiles was thankful for. Maybe if Stiles wore himself out aimless looking for things to make coffee, he’d be able to get a hold on whatever the fuck he’s dealing with right now.

It was a mix of embarrassment and anxiety, with a shit ton of other things he can’t pint point, and _goddamn it, where are the spoons!_

When Stiles found everything, he stood staring at the machine. He doesn’t have this machine at home, and neither does Scott. He could figure it out though. He could. Sure.

“Stiles-”

Stiles turned to glare very hard and angry at Derek, “Shut. Up.” He said through gritted teeth. He knew he shouldn’t project his extreme emotions in anger at people - his dad is always telling him that - but he just broke down and told Derek, the person he has had an Earth shattering crush on for the past 4 years, about this very personal emotional fuckfest he can’t figure out.

He sobbed into Derek’s shirt, and Derek held him. Derek held him and helped him into bed. He tucked him in. They shared a bed.

Stiles suddenly dropped the mug he was holding, with his creamer inside ready to receive coffee, onto the tile floor.

“Shit,” Stiles looked down at the mess, and bent down to pick up the pieces, “Shit, shit, shit, shit.” He cursed, feeling himself losing control on an anxiety attack.

Derek grabbed his hands from touching a broken piece of mug, “Stiles. I got this. Why don’t you go outside to get some air?” Derek suggested, and Stiles just went with it, because he was going to freak out any second.

Stiles stood, and went to take a step, but Derek stopped him from stepping, barefoot, on a very large shard. Derek carefully helped him through the pieces, and outside.

Stiles paced the backyard, which was large and nice. It even had a pool. He walked the length of it, breathing deep and even so that he didn’t have an attack. He was doing pretty good, and by the time Derek came outside, he felt better. He still didn’t want Derek to talk though.

“Here.” Derek handed him a new mug, and this had coffee in it. Stiles took it with a thank you, and sat at the pool side. Derek sat next to him, silent.

Derek took his flip flops off, rolled up his pant legs, and let his legs dangle in the water. Stiles had his legs tucked and crossed.

Stiles took a long gulp from the mug, “I’m sorry about the mess.” He didn’t look at Derek. Just stared into the water.

“It’s just a mug.” Derek shrugged. A moment of silence went by before Derek spoke again, “Stiles. You wanna-”

“Can we just be quiet for a while longer? I’m really not ready for the conversation we obviously need to have right now.” Stiles requested, and even if Derek disagreed, Stiles would just get up and leave.

Stiles wasn’t sure how long they sat there quietly, but it felt long. He finished his coffee in the rush, and even put his feet in the water.

“I’m sorry about last night. I just showed up without a word.” Stiles shook his head.

“You’re always welcome to show up without a word.” And Stiles was very surprised by that. _What the hell?_

Stiles took a deep breath, “For the past year, I haven’t felt right. When the Nogitsune left, I got better, but something happened. It just slowly came on. I’ve had this sinking feeling in my chest. It feels like a hole, like something’s missing. Like I’m desperately homesick, you know?”

“And I’ve tried everything. Hanging out with friends more, being with my dad, picking up old hobbies, picking up new ones. Hell, I even tried dating someone,” Stiles chuckled at that, because that lasted about five seconds.

“I thought maybe that road trip we took would help, but nothing,” Stiles felt so defeated, “When we got back, I expected to be whole again, but I was the same. Same emptiness.” Stiles wasn’t going to cry this time, no matter how much he wanted to. He’d never get through this if he did.

“When I got home, I thought about the trip, and tried to think if there was even the slightest nudge in the direction of wholeness, but came up with nothing definitive, until I thought of your house. We weren’t here that long, and nearly the entire time I kept myself locked up in your room getting over a sunburn. I wasn’t really around anyone, and it was the first time I felt a little bit relaxed.”

Stiles shrugged, “I thought maybe it was the change in scenery. A different house, another part of the state. Like the trip had finally set in, and then when I got home and the trip was over, so was that normalcy. So, that’s why I came back. I thought maybe I could figure out if that hunch was actually correct.”

“And was it?” Derek asked. Stiles actually acknowledged his body for the first time being here to see if that emptiness was still there, and it still somewhat was. He could still feel it, but not as powerful as before.

Stiles put a hand to his chest, “It’s not as bad. It’s still a little bit there, but back at home it’s terrible.” Stiles rubbed his chest, “I don’t know why though.”

“Really, Stiles?” Derek sounded short with him, which got Stiles to finally look at him since they sat down, “You’re the smartest person I know, and you seriously can’t figure this out?”

Stiles frowned in thought. He’s been trying to figure it out for months. What makes Derek think he can do it in seconds? And it’s not like it’s happening to someone else. Maybe if it were happening to someone else it would be easier to figure out.

“Come on.” Derek nudged him, “Let’s get some lunch.” He stood, being mindful of his wet feet, and waited for Stiles to follow.

—

They ate semi-quietly on the patio together. Derek suggested inside, but Stiles liked the breeze. He stays 'semi-quiet’ because most of the conversation was catching up. They didn’t do it the last time Stiles was there.

Stiles spoke of college coming up, and his father, and generally how the town is doing. Derek spoke about his new little life up here. Derek’s never wanted for money, so he spends his time volunteering here and there. Stiles would say he’s never seen Derek look happy talking about something.

Actually, Stiles doesn’t think he’s ever seen Derek happy. Everything around them as been chaos and turmoil, and they never hung out.

Derek suggested Stiles help him with a project he’d been working on, since Stiles didn’t want to rest anymore. It was a paint project for a local day care Derek volunteers at. Derek had already built the table, now it just needed paint, and not just any paint.

Derek had someone come in to draw a design on it, but Derek wanted to be the one to paint it. He knew what the colors should be, and the project was already half done.

Stiles wasn’t an artist; not even close, so he tried to get Derek to rethink letting him help. Derek told him he couldn’t screw up the base coat of colors, so Stiles helped, slowly and carefully. Meanwhile, Derek was doing the shadows.

It was a beautiful piece. Stiles couldn’t wait till it was done, but he didn’t think he’d be there that long. The rest of the day was like this; them painting a table.

They stopped where they were for the day when Derek needed to make dinner. Stiles helped with that too. He chopped, stirred, and tossed whatever he was told to. Derek made them breaded fresh fish with a freshly made coleslaw, salad, and fries. Derek also volunteers with a chef.

It was really amazing this new life Derek made for himself. Derek might have had a neutral expression while doing things, but never once did he look broody, or genuinely unhappy. Derek was happy, and Stiles had always wanted that for him.

He hopes he could find that one day. Derek just proves to him that he could have it. He’s just gotta get out there and grab it for himself. This empty feeling maybe could go away when he goes to college. Maybe when he’s setting up his dorm room, meeting new people, picking up a job. He could get better with a new scenery.

He helps Derek clean up after. Dinner was delicious, that he would definitely try to cook like this for his dad. He could probably do it without burning anything. Maybe that takes practice.

“You know, Stiles, I’m glad you came.” Derek mentioned, which Stiles was taken aback by, “I don’t get much company, and when you all came over, I was very happy.” Derek was smiling. Full on smiling.

“It’s just nice that you came back.” Derek shrugged, drying off dishes that Stiles was washing by hand. Stiles kept staring at him though. Staring at that smile, and how his teeth showed without it being a threat. He had crinkles at the corners of his eyes. Stiles had never seen them before.

If Stiles didn’t know any better, he’d say this wasn’t Derek at all; that this was a shapeshifter who didn’t know how Derek acted at all, but he knew that wasn’t right. A shapeshifter would have attacked much earlier.

“Stiles?” Derek got his attention from still staring. Stiles dropped the dish and sponge he had in his hands in the sink, and grabbed a gentle hold of Derek’s face to kiss him. He could feel Derek’s body freeze under this, but he didn’t push away or protest the kiss.

Stiles pulled away abruptly, “I am so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t- What was I- I’m stumbling on my words. I have no words. I just kissed you. Why did I kiss you? I am so sorry. I didn’t-”

“Stiles!” Derek stopped him from talking, and took a hold of Stiles wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. Stiles was still holding Derek’s face through his rambling.

Stiles could feel the twinge of rejection effect him, even though he doesn’t understand why he kissed Derek in the first place. Stiles didn’t really have too much time to reflect on the feeling, before Derek was grabbing at his face and kissing him.

It was Stiles’s turn to freeze, but kissing Derek felt so good. Even the second time; especially the second time. Stiles pushed himself closer, placing his hands on Derek’s waist as they deepened the kiss.

Stiles’s brain stopped thinking then because it felt so good. All he knows is they kissed long enough to have to break apart to breathe, and Derek pulled them upstairs to his bedroom. When they got to the bedroom and in bed, Stiles’s brain seemed to rewire and think again.

“Wait, wait. What’s happening? Is this happening? Wait, why is this happening?” Stiles shook his head, but still holding close to Derek. He even let his body slot along Derek’s, with one leg hiked up on Derek’s hip, and one of Derek's legs in between his.

“You kissed me.” Derek simply put.

Stiles shook his head, “And you kissed me back?”

Derek shrugged, pulling Stiles a little closer, “I was never sure if you wanted to, so I never did.”

“That’s my line!” Stiles was still confused, even though his body wrapped up with Derek’s felt really good, and right. Like their bodies had always done this.

“Stiles,” Derek smiled, “You don’t have to think so hard. If you want this to happen, it can. I’m certainly happy about it.” Derek softly placed a hand to Stiles’s cheek, and brushed his thumb along his cheekbone.

Derek was admiring his face. Stiles can see that’s what he was doing. He never thought Derek would be doing that, but here he was, doing just that. Stiles slowly went back in to kiss Derek, and this time they both equally went along. This was soft and euphoric. Stiles hadn’t felt a kiss like it.

Stiles never wanted to stop kissing Derek, and that’s something he never thought he’d ever have the privilege to say. They kissed long and languid, and when Stiles felt himself growing tired, he tried to tell Derek, but Derek just told him to lay back and let him be kissed.

So, that’s what Stiles did. Stiles still gave purchase, but the work was all Derek, and fuck did it feel so good. A little too good, and it was starting to show. Derek was now semi laying on top of him, and though kissing is really great and okay right now, that’s all Stiles was okay with.

Stiles may have been falling for Derek for four years, but that didn’t mean he wanted to do everything in the blink of an eye without communication. What little consent conversation they had earlier was just that, little. Stiles needed way more than that, because he had to take this experience back with him.

“Why don’t you take a shower before we go to sleep? You’ll feel better in the morning if you do.” Stiles agreed, and went to take a shower. He didn’t bring any extra clothes, so Derek let him borrow his.

Derek’s bed felt even better after a shower, but Derek wasn’t there. He came in later, trying to be quiet like Stiles was asleep, but he wasn’t just yet. Derek went into the bathroom to shower, and Stiles had nodded off until Derek got in bed.

He felt Derek kiss at his shoulder, making Stiles hum. “Is this okay?” Derek asked, kissing Stiles shoulder again. Stiles gave a verbal yes, making Derek slide himself closer and more comfortable to kiss at Stiles’s skin. Stiles wanted this forever. Just Derek kissing and touching his body.

Only, Derek’s hand circled around to his chest to caress and rub softly, and that was all well and good, until his hand wandered way too far down.

“Derek. No.” Stiles said, in a cringed whisper.

Derek took his hand away, “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked.” Derek began backing away.

“No, Derek,” Stiles reached back for him, “We can still lay like this, I’m just not ready for more.” Derek got himself back up against Stiles.

“Okay. Can I still kiss you and caress you?” Derek asked, as Stiles pulled his arm around to his chest.

“Yes, but just that.” Stiles made clear the boundaries, and Derek slowly went back into kissing at Stiles’s neck and back, while gliding his fingers and hand all on Stiles’s chest. Even massaging his fingers into Stiles’s skin.

—

Stiles felt really amazing in the morning. His whole body felt so well rested. He saw Derek laying next to him, and his sleeping face made Stiles smile more than he had in a very long time.

Stiles didn’t even think twice before he got closer to Derek to kiss his face. He kissed his cheek, and just under his eye. Derek hummed softly, and Stiles felt his cheek raise up from a smile.

Stiles pulled himself up and away to look down at Derek. Derek blinked open his eyes a few times with a sleepy smile. Derek reached a hand up into Stiles’s hair to hold and caress a little.

“Good morning.” Stiles definitely wanted this every morning. This is all he ever dreamed of, and it was happening. Waking up to the person you love.

“I want this,” Stiles confessed, “I want this every morning.” Stiles never took himself as a person to just say the most sappiest things on his mind, but if Derek could do it last night, Stiles is pretty sure that’s why it’s easy now.

“You do?” Derek honestly looked surprised, and not in a mocking type of way. He looked really hopeful, and that just made Stiles even happier.

“Yeah!” Stiles laughed a little. He couldn’t help it. He was so happy, “I’ve wanted this- you for so long. I never actually thought we’d be here.”

Derek used his other arm to pull Stiles down onto his chest. They hugged each other, and just held on, “I have spent a lot of my life grieving for my family.” Derek spoke, “When I came up here and started making a home for myself, even by myself, I grew to be happy. I learned how to be happy again, but the one thing I still grieved, was I was never honest with you.”

“I almost told you how I felt once, but I never thought you’d actually want to be with me. I didn’t want to bring my baggage into something with you, if we had come to that point. I came up here to better myself for you, even if you rejected me.”

Stiles looked up at him, “Why are you telling me all this now?” It was all so much, and Stiles didn’t even ask for it.

“I want you to know why I left, because I think me leaving has something to do with how you’re feeling.” Derek pointed out.

Stiles fully pulled away from him now, and sat up, “What’re you talking about?”

“How long have you wanted us to be together?”

“Four years.” Stiles answered, looking away, almost embarrassed.

“Four years of us pining, but not actually doing anything about it, and then suddenly I get up and leave-”

Stiles glared, “Without a word.”

Derek thinned his lips together in sympathy and nodded, “And I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry I left you. I’m not making excuses for hurting you like that. I didn’t know if it would matter to you, really.”

“Of course, it matters to me!” Stiles yelled, feeling very angry. Derek suddenly sat up and held his face.

“Hey. I wasn’t in a good space when I thought that. I’m so sorry,” Derek comforted Stiles down, “We weren’t ever really close. I had nothing to go on that the feelings were mutual.”

Stiles leaned into one of Derek’s hands, “Yeah. I know. Sorry.” He knew he shouldn’t be angry at Derek not considering him when he left. They weren’t even friends. “I’m still mad you left.”

“And you have every right to be. I just hope you can forgive me.” Derek dropped his hands away. Stiles looked down at them, and really, who is he kidding.

He grabbed a hold of Derek’s hands, “Of course, I forgive you. I don’t see how I can’t when you’ve become so much happier since you left.” Stiles shrugged, really not meaning that to sound spiteful as it did.

“I’ve gotten better, but I wouldn’t say I’ve been completely happy.”

Stiles chuckled to this and looked around, “You’re joking, right? I saw the way you smiled when we were painting and cooking. I’ve only ever seen you smile when you were pretty evil about it, so these other times you were just really happy; content.”

“Yeah. Volunteering and being in this new place does make me happy. I’m not saying it’s not, but something was always missing, and it was you. I came up here for you, and I hoped of returning to Beacon Hills sometime next year.” Derek said.

Stiles got a sudden shocked feeling in his chest, “It’s you.” Stiles placed a hand on his chest, and he realized he couldn’t feel it anymore. He couldn’t feel that empty space.

“Stiles, what’s wrong-”

“You were the missing piece, Derek! It was you!” Stiles smiled wide and jumped to hug him. It was so good to feel full again. He knew he loved Derek and he missed him, but this hole in his chest felt like much more than that.

Stiles has missed people before, but this was painful and haunting. Now that him and Derek were together like this, he didn’t feel that loss of self.

“I knew you could figure it out.” Derek smiled, as Stiles sat back down in front of him, and they held hands again. Stiles was happy to have Derek, but something seemed selfish about this, and what Derek said before.

Stiles looked back down at their hands holding and caressing each other, “Don’t leave this place, Derek. Don’t do that for me. I don’t want you to give this up. Plus, I’m leaving for school. It’s out of state, and I don’t expect you to wait or anything. Honestly, I didn’t-”

Derek placed a hand over his mouth, “Stiles, I left Beacon Hills to better myself for you, all while knowing you could very well not be into me, or even wait for me. Even if I was going to be rejected, it was still good to heal.”

“Does that mean we’re going to do this while I’m away at school?” Stiles asked, feeling hopeful, but left room for rejection.

“I’m in if you are. I don’t care how long it takes for us to be together. You’ve already seen the lengths of my commitment. I’m more than willing to show you even more.” Derek promised.

“God, you sound like the worst romance book ever written.” Stiles laughed. “Yes. I’m ready for it too.” They both reached for each other for a kiss.

Stiles pulled away abruptly though, “You better have a laptop, or smartphone, because we are going to video chat everyday. Everyday, Derek.” Stiles told him seriously.

Derek nodded, “Of course.” Stiles smiled wide, kissing Derek again. They began planning their schedules of time to talk to each other, or at least how they’re going to talk. Well, Stiles was planning. Stiles was the one in school with the overwhelming schedule.

Stiles had never been in a long distance relationship before, but he knew they were hard, and that with some people it doesn’t last, but Stiles also knows himself. He doesn’t give up on the people he loves. So, he certainly wasn’t going to just walk away from this, or let Derek walk away.

Stiles made it a point to Derek that if they ever got in a fight too bad, Stiles was going to just fly back and fight until they make up. There was no breaking up here. Stiles fully expected himself to fight hard, so it surprised him when Derek wrestled on top of him to tell him he’d fight even harder.


End file.
